Depression

I chose this title because depression doesn’t need a presentation – if you have it, you know that words are not needed, everything is numb and empty, and you want to die in the bet, curled up in a fetal position. 

Depression feels like you want to die but do not have the will and energy to do it. I have episodes when I am so low that it feels like I am drowning in darkness and despair. One of the things that hurt the most is that I can not pinpoint the source of the pain and this is something that people do not understand. 

I know my brain is messed up, and my instinct is to fight it and try to stay afloat but man, when I fall, it is hard to breathe. I love my work, it has bad moments and good moments but I do not mind coming here, there are days when I am able to draw, to learn things. Yesterday I felt like I hated this place and that I will throw up if I would still have to come. It is really confusing to understand myself sometimes and I can not always control it. I hate that I was born this way or that I got messed up so young in order to have these things coming and going on a regular basis. 

Some days I am done.