It is quite hard to start this article because I have no idea how I can express what I am feeling.
The global situation and the war close to home are having an impact on my mental stability. I tend to have depression episodes after reading the news and I am crying a lot. My therapist was also sick on Friday so we had to postpone our session for next week.
I think my struggles come from my inability to control my emotions. Until recently I was used to burying them and being emotionally numb but I learned that this is not ok and stopped it. Now I find myself crying on the spot and it is quite hard.
Yesterday I was trying to numb all my feelings and I went to a dark period in my life. I was having a constant small anxiety attack while my face was straight and I was actually able to smile. I lived like this for 20 years, I find it unbelievable. I am listening to Gabor Mate – When the body says no and I am starting to understand how important our emotions are.
I am sure that my suffering is not comparable to that of people from that country but I think we should all try to be nicer to ourselves. I was judging myself for being so emotional and I was trying so hard to pretend that I am ok. Maybe we should stop pretending and just be how we feel.
Other people had wars but this era is traumatic for everyone. We can not hide from emotional videos, we are 90% of the time connected and we also come from a pandemic. Please try to be nicer. This is hard for all of us so take care of your mental state.