I heard a girl saying on a podcast that she is crushing it and it almost gave me an anxiety attack. That made me realize I have a problem because I am also good at my job but I felt like I could never say that out loud.
My mind tried to tell me that everyone would judge me if I would say that but I think that I am judging myself for saying that. It might be self-esteem at work or maybe something I was taught but it really threw me off.
I am still feeling anxious while writing this because I feel that I just found a small problem in my way of thinking. I am allowed to consider myself good at my job because, when I got hired, my position did not exist. I build my own workflows, rules, procedures for a job in a whole new field. I had time to learn about a type of business that I had no idea existed and now I am managing multiple projects and also having some other financial responsibilities.
Considering all of these things, I am starting to think that I am crushing it but it is still hard to say it. I think I value the idea of modesty and this is something that was so ingrained in me, that it is hard for me to recognize my value. I am aware that modesty is a good thing, remaining humble and not rubbing it in other people’s faces but this is something that might make you ignore and dismiss your wins. I think we deserve to know our real worth, inside.
Another thing is that people around you might get triggered, people tend to feel bad about themselves and be mean to happy people.
I think I am able to write that I am good at my job. Maybe after I will manage not to care so much about other people, I will say it out loud.
Baby steps, baby steps.
Photo by Alysha Rosly on Unsplash
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