Random questions of life

Why I destroyed an almost finished 1000 pieces puzzle

This year we decided to have our holiday at home, because of the pandemic. I have to admit that this experiment was a success. I love to have holidays at home. I had time to read, play, to enjoy the time with my husband and cat.

We saw an old movie, “Office Space” and I think something snapped because I do not want to do things that I “should”. I actually managed to have fun and say “F..k it” to all the things that my brain wanted me to stress about it.

 In the last 3 days, I worked on my 1000 pieces puzzle. Santa got me a really hard one and I was really patient with it until I could not do it anymore. I did not want to put it on the frame this time because it would not match my vision but I was planning to finish it. This morning I woke up and I was thinking that I should finish it, I have only maybe 50 pieces left (the picture is not the final version), I should get back to it. This was so stressful that took all the joy from making the puzzle until I said stop. I just broke all the pieces and put them back in the box. Was really fun and empowering, I really do not know why but I loved it. I felt I managed to break the lines between which I used to stay, somehow comply and do what I should do.

I am still happy with that. I revolted and I feel like I won a little liberty from myself. 

After that, in the afternoon, I was thinking I should make a drawing tutorial, as I want to perfect some aspects. The issue is that I know the theory but I really don’t enjoy following it. If I draw freehanded, I enjoy the process, I feel creative. If I have to measure everything, I would rather sleep or do something more relaxing.

I knew I should watch some tutorials but my inner rebel said no. I listen to some advice about sketchbooks and I just drew what I wanted. Was quite proud of the results, my drawings are not pretty, my drawings are starting to be emotions. I love to make ugly things, that capture the emptiness and the depression, the pain that sometimes we feel.

I hope I will be able to continue this. I also enjoy drawing yoga poses, I can feel how the calmness is around me when I look at the poses. I am really excited and can’t wait to get back to yoga. I was really in pain the last 2 days so I took a break.

I hope things will get better and the rebel in here to stay.

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