I am starting to see more things about myself, as my mind has a few breaks from the anxiety and constant worry.
I was watching a video about how “Sex and the city” ruined the relationship with money for women (see above) and I was trying to see if I have this issue. I have to be honest, I had it before meeting my husband and educating myself about finances and about myself.
I will start by saying that 3 years ago I bought myself an expensive bag and an expensive pair of heels. Somehow, because I grew up with this TV show, I was split in two. One part of me loved to wear comfy shoes (I also had foot surgery so I am over cheap and uncomfortable shoes), comfy clothes, and just be myself. The other side was telling me I have to be on heels, have a fancy bag, and a gorgeous coat. Here it’s included a lot of make-up and perfect hair. I have curly hair so that is not an option for me. During the years, I tried to glam up several times, I owned straighteners (brush and normal), a curler, and a UV-led machine to do my nails. I always believed that if I look a certain way, I will feel successful, I will feel complete.
I think growing up with this type of model can be really toxic. I know that it was my parent’s job to protect me from toxic tv shows but that did not happen so this is that. I have to take time and think about what part of my personality was influenced by this. I honestly do not want to think about what I learned about relationships because I might just get scared. I think blogging is something that I might have picked up from the Tv show. I used to have this romantic image with Carrie smoking and writing. I just remembered that when I was in my first year of college I was paid to write articles on a website and I loved to smoke and write. I felt really good, I was matching the picture in my head of a successful woman. The payment was minimum and I don’t even remember what I did with the money but you can see how this affected me.
I think another thing that I took from that TV show was to keep my friends close, no matter how toxic they were. This is a big no-no because, as I learned later, people evolve and grow apart. You do not have to keep friendships just because you have this weird picture of life. The co-dependency from their friendships on the TV show is something that is not really achievable in real life. We all have relationships that we should work on, house stuff to do, reading, a job. All these things can get in the way of weekly brunches.
I learned that you should fight for the one you love, be a doormat, and insist. Everything should be dramatic, every fight should be a reason to break up. It took my husband 4 or 5 years to teach me that people don’t leave after a fight, that nothing should be that dramatic, and that we should work together to have a healthy relationship. I know that normal relationships are boring in a TV show context but I would love to see more of that. I did not have models at home and the TV ones were more f****d up than the ones at home. I learned that love is about suffering, struggle, and a lot of conflicts.
I forgot to mention another thing: men are not ok with working women, that have big salaries. That is another big one. My husband was really happy when I managed to get a raise, we have more money so we can retire early and spend our time doing what we want.
Even though right now I am quite happy with myself, with the way I dress and I do my make-up, I still feel sometimes that I am not enough, I am not like the picture in my head.
I hope after this article I will be more able to see the patterns and burn this stupid picture from my head.
Please find below another video about what is toxic in this TV show.