Around 5 or 6 months ago I had my last suicidal thoughts. This took me by surprise, it was not something new but now was out of nowhere, and no reasons for it. I know I wrote about this a few months ago but I came back to make some updates.
What made me come back? I heard a few days ago that there is a period in your life when you do not know who you are anymore. The discussion is that when you start to work on yourself, the changes inside you are really big and at one point you seem lost. I feel like I lost myself because a lot of things that used to define me (or I used them to define myself) are gone now. The next step I have to take is to redefine who I am as a person because I am no longer forgetful, weak, clumsy, or a person with an acute lack of motivation.
I never took into consideration this aspect, that in this journey you will have to see who you are. It is logical when I look at this now but no one told me that before. My impression about how things will go when I started, was that I will be the same but less stressed, maybe less anxious. Having my values radically changed is not something I took into account. Questioning all my life choices was not expected. I am now a new person for me, I see people and the world in another way. Black and white thinking made me have some radical and mean opinions. Because it was rooted in so much pain, I got rid of it, and currently, I am learning how to live in acceptance.
I know I still have a lot of things to learn but I am looking forward to that. I will like to take some coaching classes, maybe I will be able to help other people in their journey because I was also helped by others.
I think healing creates a circle, and one by one, we can make the circle bigger.
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