Eating my feelings

This article is really hard to write because it’s like looking in a mirror and admitting that I still have some issues that I postponed. All this journaling and waking up old feelings is hard sometimes, so I ate more than usual in order to cope with them. I will try to change this, I started fasting but I will have to be careful, as I tend to get eating disorders. I do not want that. 

I have an empty pit in my stomach periodically, I think I was numbing the pain and feelings before, and now I try to eat, in order to feel full.

I used to take care of this before, but I am sure I got distracted and let myself loose because I was going through a bad time. Writing and taking care of my blog helps me a lot, it is a kind of therapy. It is quite complicated because I feel really grateful for all I have and the critic in my head says I should be happy all the time. While growing up, it was complicated to talk or show feelings, everything was masked with jokes so I had a ‘Happy mask’ all the time, I guess it is really hard to find myself some days. 

I need to detach in a productive way, eat a little healthier, and learn to accept that I am allowed to have bad days. I feel lucky for my life but I am also aware that I worked for that. I will have to keep an eye on myself in the following days. I keep finding things that I use to put pressure on me with and I am trying to get to equilibrium. It is a journey but I feel really grateful that I started this. I will keep writing and updating you, maybe this will help someone.

I decided to cut the meat off my diet for a while, I will keep eating fish but not so much. Today I will make a pizza, half normal, half with vegetables. 

Do you eat your feelings? What helped?