I need to write, it’s my way to analyze and understand my emotions. This month I thought I was pregnant and it was quite an interesting experience. I learned a lot about me and about the world we live in. I had a false pregnancy,this is not common but it happened. I had morning sickness, aversion to food and some other weird symptoms. Because of that, I started researching, listening to podcasts and I found a new world.
I found out that, in 2020, women still feel the need to keep the possible pregnancy a secret, it is a taboo subject, almost mystical. I can understand the fear of a misscarage but it makes me sad because some women prefer to speak with strangers on online chats instead of speaking with a friend or a family member. I spend a lot of time in these communities and I have to say that I really appreciate them, those women are superheroes for each other and for all of us.
I learned that pregnancy symptoms are different for every woman, you can’t know for sure, no matter how much you stress about it. I learned that it takes around two weeks to know for sure (maybe more). Most women prefer to keep quiet during this time and go through emotional hell. Watching Youtube videos and reading articles are the only tools you have.
I am really lucky because my husband is my best friend and he stood by me. I talked about this with my friends but I saw a lot of lonely women out there. Some people take you seriously only when you have a valid answer and maybe after the 3rd month has passed. That is not enough, I was so confused everyday for 2 weeks, being 3 months misunderstood feels like a nightmare for me.
I found out that women feel like their body failed them when they have a miscarriage, they are ashamed to say anything. Women go through abortions every day and no one cares about the emotional scarring. They are judged by society and have to face the changes alone.
In 2020, women are still judged for their fertility and decisions. I do not understand why no one is speaking about this . Why are women magazines more interested in teaching you how to please your partner in 10 ways but not a monthly article about these real issues? I feel like the magazines see women superficial. I would love to learn more about emotional scars, the struggles to get pregnant, how to get over an abortion in a heathy way. There are a lot of important things that we keep too private. I am curious why.
The general feeling I have is that we are not evolving. I see all day tv shows about how you can add more plastic to your body, how to look like a blow up doll but we don’t invest more time and research in this part of our life. I come from a more conservative culture but, during my research, I saw that this is also a grey area in the western culture. Maybe it is time for our generation to break these patterns and start speaking about our issues. Maybe make a blog and women can share their experiences. An online sisterhood where we can support each other.
During the two weeks, I also felt the need to keep everything quiet (I think this goes really deep in our collective consciousness) but I refused to do that. I will also refuse to do that in the future .
I think we should speak more about these topics, I think trying to conceive should be an important step and we need all the support we can get. I think miscarriage should stop being a subject that is avoided and I think that , as women, we should all support each other. Abortion is a riight and I hope I will get to live in a world where we stop bringing women down, as women, and we will try to be more understanding with each other.
This phantom pregnancy came into my life as a lesson. Made me see that I am not alone, I have a wonderful husband and a few friends, but they are as best as they get. I feel it’s in my responsibility to talk about these issues, because I am lucky enough to have wonderful people supporting me every step of the way.
Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash
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