Afternoon Rows

Dear diary 5

Today I am writing from my balcony, I love to feel the sun. I am really enjoying the pause because I was cleaning all day. I mean general cleaning, washing windows, drapes, washing the floors. I am so tired I cannot believe it. I have to say that I will not do my exercises today because I feel like after a massive workout.

I wanted to also cook today but I will post-pone it for tomorrow as I can’t focus on cooking right now. I only ate a sandwich for lunch and since then, nothing. I can’t complain, my jeans still fit so I am really happy. I want to draw so much after dinner. I also watch ”Asia Express”, a reality TV from Romania, I like to study people in different situations.

I will post a picture of the Sun, as I feel real spoiled by it right now. I do not understand the need to write in the afternoon but I will do it anyway. Morning pages help me start my day, this makes me feel that I am closing the day.

I was so inspired by ”The artist’s way” that I can’t start a new book. Maybe I will have to read some easy, romance books, usually it works. I think that creativity is a force, I feel like the more I draw, write, paint, the more inspired I feel. Today, that force helped me during cleaning, because I was thinking about this moment, when I will have tea and write in the sun. Maybe some day I will write about a specific topic but right now I am really happy with decluttering my mind.

I am listening to Toto – Africa. Man, I really like this song. I am also happy I have my flowers in the sun. I also bought Roses today. I found orange ones that smell like spring. Yesterday I felt like a flower in the sun. Since we moved in Germany, two years ago, I really got used to go for walks in the park so I really miss the walks. We only go out almost once a week so I just feel lucky to have the balcony with my chairs and table,. When I used to smoke, I would sit here and enjoy a coffee. I do not miss that, I feel so much better to just have tea and not smoke.

One of the advantages is that I am not getting so tired in our walks. I think I do not miss smoking because I am still dream about smoking. This dreams keep my on my toes and make me realize how much smoking was affecting my life.

I am 323 days sober and my brain is still trying to trick me in my sleep that ”One smoke from time to time is ok”. This are the moments I feel like a crack addict and every time I wake up more happy that I stopped. When I stopped smoking I realized I can do anything. Maybe my husband will read this, I just want to thank him for the support and the patience in the first 2-3 months. If you are a smoker, please read ”The easy way to stop smoking” by Allen Carr. Man, that book makes miracles and changes lives.

I realized that I wrote a lot. I have to admit I feel so much better. I feel that now I will relax and draw. The sun is off anyway. Have a nice afternoon!

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