Random questions of life

Why drawing is not making me free

After studying drawing for 2 or 3 weeks, I am a little sad. I was always seeing art as a way to break free and now I see that drawing has no magic for me. I feel like drawing is math, is inflexible and it is something that makes me feel deeply uncomfortable.

I’ve wanted all my life to please people and fit in boxes full of rules, in order to make other people happy. I was never thinking about me or my happiness. 6 year ago I decided to let my husband know me and this helped me a lot. He loved me unconditionally and motivated me every day to be better and be happy. Also, without my friends, I would not be me, I would be a box, full of rules.

Today I have green hair and a tattoo and I am knowing myself a little more everyday. When I was little I wanted to be a painter, this made me take drawing lessons. I gave it a chance but it is killing my spirit. I would love to learn a way of drawing that is like cooking : freeing and magic. When I cook, I can improvise, I can change Technics. When I draw, I have to look for perspective, to measure the pressure I put on my pencil..bla..bla..bla.

I feel like this is putting me back in a box and I spend too many years in order to pursue a ”passion” that puts me back in the corner.

I will still doodle until I will find another type of art that will make me free as cooking does.

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